practicewithlisa

Five years ago I started this journey choosing to not cover an external physical symptom with a cream that does not treat the problem. It’s a big decision to partake in a society that’s built upon instant gratification and a low tolerance for remaining uncomfortable. So after five years of a lot of self-study, I am learning the difference between existential suffering and a painful feeling. It’s about developing a practice for remaining open-hearted during unpleasant sensations. I continually find what softens me over and over again. Some days, it’s being around horses. Others it’s practicing yoga. When the storyline really gets tangled around the experience creating more contraction, I have to ask for help in order to soften. My husband is my favorite person in the entire world and connecting with him deeply requires vulnerability. Softness. To ask for help or more patience because you’re having a hard day is important. It allows you to be seen.

TSW can make me want to hide away in a little cave “until I’m healed”. And no one look at me, talk to me or even think of me until I’m “worthy of love”. It’s sad that the times when we struggle most and need more love, we actually give ourselves less.

Every day I try to invite an opportunity to hold myself in an unhurried, mindful presence.

So this is the extent of my physical healing from TSW. I usually only get it on my wrists and up to my elbows. It wraps around the outer edge of my forearm right where I have to inevitably touch clients during massage. It still itches like crazy these days, feels tight on my inner wrists and I do wrap my wrists when I sleep to provide peace of mind.

However there is a disclaimer to practicing self-compassion. Beware of doing it in a rush. Pema Chodron says the opposite of patience is aggression. The key to this practice is in the gentleness. Notice how your heart tightness when pain arises and what storylines flood in and just remain curious rather than getting impatient with yourself. I don’t practice yoga with the intention of changing myself to a more “spiritual person” or “calm person” who never scratches or flares, to practice your daily opportunity to soften with the intention of changing yourself is to practice attachment.

Lao Tzu said “The world belongs to those who let go.”